Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
