Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
