Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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