We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
