Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
