If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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