I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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