I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
