Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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