i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
