if i can run in heels then i can drive
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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