why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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