It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
