i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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