I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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