yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
