The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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