Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
