its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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