Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
