i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
