He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
