If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Life is so much better after having sex.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
