I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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