im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize