I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am available for nakedness
i think im in europe. pls send help
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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