wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
