Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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