It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
