and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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