my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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