I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
