it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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