you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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