This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My ass is underappreciated
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
