for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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