Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
