Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
