you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Randomize
