Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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