His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Come see our sink grown plant.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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