my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Randomize
