My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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