the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
