just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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