Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
