My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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