I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
