Fuck appropriateness.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
