I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize