He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
