Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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