He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
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