my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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