my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Randomize
