so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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