Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
