Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
