i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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