I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Acid is not a monday night drug
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
