This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
is it fun? or sober?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
