:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
