i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize