hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
