Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
