Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
All I want is dick and wine.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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