Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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