Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
